I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
