i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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