somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
