I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
