Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
