just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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