Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
