Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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