Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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