do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
