I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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