writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
