I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
