shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
