Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
wakey wakey hands off snakey
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
