Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Watching her eat just hurts me
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
