For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
