I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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