The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
