I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
