More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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