I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
