I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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