If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
