I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
