I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
