shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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