Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
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