I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
