Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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