ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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