Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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