So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
