About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
