I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
