Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
