i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
