yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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