I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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