I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
