Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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