So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
