I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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