I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
