tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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