Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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