I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
