listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I fill condoms, not promises.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
