i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Ketchup is God's man juice
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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