so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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